Get Your Kicks on I-95
USDOT announces "Roads with Character" initiative
In a major new policy development, the US Department of Transportation has decided that all roads it builds in the future will possess a "unique character" to make people aware of the places they are passing through. The new initiative will replace most of the Interstate Highway System with roads so stunning that residents and visitors alike will be awestruck by how interesting each community in America really is.
"It may take awhile to drive from New York to Miami, especially with all the Art Cops and Art Stops."
The new program grows out of some very old ideas. In fact, the initiative is the brainchild of a mysterious high-level advisor at DOT known only as "La Fleur," whom sources estimate to be between 99 and 119 years old. Secretary of Transportation Norman Y. Mineta has enthusiastically embraced La Fleur's mission to "build roads as good or better than they were in the old days when a person could take Route 1 from New York to Miami or Route 66 to California and see real variety in the country."
When reached for comment, La Fleur cited Lady Bird Johnson, who planted wildflowers as far as the eye could see on America's roadways in the 1960s, as his inspiration. "Besides," he added, "building roads with character is good business and creates good memories for people."
 The changes that the average citizen will see along all highways and roads built in the United States in the next few years include: flowering trees and annuals; "rustic" bridges (no more caged-in overpasses); the demolition of all cookie-cutter developments that one can see from a road; and of course bicycle and pedestrian paths. Artists will be commissioned to create "Works of Character" for each community the roads pass through, and all signage will be replaced by original works of art. Drivers and passengers will be "encouraged" by state troopers, now called "Art Cops," to stop their cars, get out, and take a photo of their families in front of each unique piece, or "Art Stop."
"It may take awhile to drive from New York to Miami, especially with all the Art Cops and Art Stops," said Mineta, "but to make people happy we intend to provide small cafes, gardens, information about local jobs, and free wireless internet at each stopping point along the way. We think it will really help people appreciate the local character of America's communities."
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