April 1, 2011
Opa Locka, FL- Weather is often cited as the number one reason why people don’t walk more or spend time in downtowns and other public spaces across North America. Yet cities can no longer afford big capital projects in their fight against Mother Nature.
The City of Opa Locka, FL has decided to mitigate its hot summers in a “lighter, quicker, cheaper” fashion by simply declaring a moratorium on weather altogether. “We’ve decided it just doesn’t exist,” said Municipal Meteorologist Jeff Day, “which unfortunately means I’m out of a job.”
This innovative strategy was soon adopted by Saskatoon, Saskatchewan after plans for enclosing the entire downtown under a giant geodesic dome had to be scrapped due to its high cost. The project was to include an Arnold Palmer-designed 36-hole mini-golf course, an authentic waterfront bar moved piece-by-piece from Barbados, and the world’s largest indoor Slo-Pitch softball stadium.
Weather forecasts are now blacked out in both cities, although rumors have it that some residents watch grainy Weather Channel reruns at the underground website Samizdat.org. Most residents, however, support the new law. “You know, I used to be glued to the Weather Channel and believe everything they told me, drawled Sonny “Bubba” Petrie of Opa-Lacka. “Now I can just go outside and decide for myself. I can get used to that.”